Day 25: Experiments in family parties and natural hair care

So today was my trunk party for my family. i really didn't want things for my dorm, because i'm so bloody picky as to what kind of shit i want. plus i didn't want my family members searching through hell and high waters just so i can get an energy star mini fridge. so i let my auntie Jocelyn throw me a graduation/birthday party as a way for my family to see me before i leave.
let me just say that my baby cousin alex is the cutest thing you ever did see! omg she made me wish i was a teen mom, because if they came out that cute it would be totally worth it.
in fact, she came over to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek to congratulate me for graduating high school and getting into college. i almost melted into tears because she is the cutest thing ever!!! her cheeks are soo pudgey and soft!!! omg i can't wait to have a cute little baby girl so i can pinch some cheeks and lotion them with shea and cocoa butter! yup...i said it...fuck johnson and johnson. my baby is gunna be using black organic baby products.

but anyways...i digress!
i don't see my family but maybe twice a year. my mom doesn't enjoy being around them all the time. especially not people like my cousin anita, who just really needs to adapt a life and get laid. i'm so serious, and i know i usually tell everyone who is overly uptight or nosy to get laid, but she seriously needs somebody. i mean, my cousin joey was visitng from texas last thanksgiving, and sent me a text message asking me why she doesn't have a man. like i'm supposed to fucking know why she can stick her nose in everyone else's business, look homelier each year, but cannot seem to GHB drug a man for more than a minute. i can't stand talking to her past hello, so of course i'm going to purposely put my sanity in the line of fire just to talk to this bitch.
i know it sounds harsh, but i've never met somebody so stupid before, and then on top of it had the misfortune to be related to them.
for example: her mother passed away from lung cancer last year. so now she doesn't have a mother to dote on. so one day, out of the blue, she called my grandmother to see how she was doing. she had the nerve to say to my grandmother "well if you ever need anything and don't feel like bothering jocelyn or carolyn (my mother) then you just let me know and i'll take care of you!"
this was a huge mistake! first of all, despite my grandmother's many hang ups about my aunt and mom's life, she still would prefer they help her than anita. second of all, how are you going to tell someone to disregard the relationship they have with their children just so you can feel useful?
of course my grandmother didn't put her criticism of this statement in such nice terms as i have. she basically snapped on Anita, but unfortunately Anita is too dense to understand what she said was horribly inappropriate. so she called my aunt willa mae and asked "what's wrong with jo?" explained the situation and all my willa mae could say was "have you lost your mind?!"

yup, that's my family. nobody said they were the brightest or the most tactful, but you gotta wonder where i get my inability to sugar coat things and placate people's silly sensibilities.